Oh Yes, Ligers Are Very RealPosted: November 22, 2005
Some of you may remember Napoleon Dynamite, the sleeper hit movie about a nerd in rural Utah. You may also remember his favorite animal – a “liger” – half-lion, half-tiger. Well, the creature exists. Yesterday, KRNV in Reno, Nevada, reported that Sierra Safari Zoo in Reno was looking for donations. Of their “selling points”? A liger. Don't expect the zoo to deny their secret monster creation program. In fact, they are quite proud of it.
Now, millions of questions popped into my mind as I read this story. Would the phrase “jungle fever” be appropriate here? Do the parents need “beer goggles”? How does “Liger Facilitator” look on your resume? Does the job come with “Mauling Insurance”? Can I ask a question without “quotes”?
These are questions that the biased, complacent media just aren't asking. We the people must be kept informed of this new threat, before they complete the triumverate of Lions, Tigers, and Bears. My inside sources tell me that the only reason this super-monster hasn't been completed yet is that they couldn't come up with a name that doesn't sound stupid. But once they do… I can't think about this anymore. Buy more duct tape.
p.s. What's next? Bearacuddas? Leopirhanas? Iguacodiles? I have more, if you want…
p.p.s. “Very Real” doesn't make sense. Something is real or it isn't. I only put it in to make fun of it here. And because it adds a sense of gravitas. Quite true.