"The First Rule of Death Cheese Is That There Is No Death Cheese"Posted: February 20, 2006
(This post from Gawker is so good that I have absolutely nothing to contribute to it. Even the headline/title is lifted directly from them. I am simply quoting it in its entirety. I got nothin’. Enjoy.)
As most of you already know, we are bad people. We lie, cheat, steal and revel in public urination. Our worth as human beings is unquestionably low, and we’ve always been OK with that. We never have a problem mocking that which secures our place in hell.
But today is different, because we’re laughing at the expense of innocent children. We’re laughing so hard, honestly, that we can’t properly write this item. You see, a Staten Island bus driver allegedly organized a fight club amongst the middle school kids on his route, urging them to fight one another and use scissors as weapons. It may not seem funny, but:
• The driver called himself The Emperor
• The Emperor rallied kids with his “sick Jedi mind trick”
• The bus was called The Death Cheese (a “mini Death Star on wheels”)
• The toughest fighters were nicknamed Darth, Sith Warrior, and Jabba, according to “sources”
What sources? Jar-Jar Binks? Amazing. We don’t even want to publish this post, just because we don’t want the Star Wars Fight Club to ever end.